Welcome to Bless Ur Heart

YAYYYYY!!!!!!

Welcome to my newsletter! Though let’s call it a column because that’s much less Bay Area. I’ll even be so descriptive as to call it an etiquette column.

I chose the name “Bless Ur Heart” because it’s a classic Southernism, and because blessyourheart dot substack dot com was taken by someone “escaping the high taxes of Jersey & the crazy Dems control.” Best of luck, girl!

If you’re familiar with me as a person, surely you’ll recognize that I’ve created this newsletter to angle for a long-undeserved book deal. But I also think I’m doing a great act of service here. Etiquette is a lost art, and mostly for good reason: it’s dated, stuffy, and feels out of place for a young person in the modern world.

However, I like to think of etiquette not as a dusty rulebook declaring which end of the egg faces down in an egg cup, but an attempt to answer the question “What exactly can I get away with here?” It’s a far more interesting field of study for those of us who naturally lack tact, who are more prone to find ourselves in situations that require apologies, cleanups, and formal retractions.

I’ve long held a fascination with old-school etiquette books and columns, but life has left me with certain questions that Emily Post seems to have overlooked. For example:

• How do I let a friend know that their cheek filler is not as tasteful as they think it is?

• Can I wear a polyester blend to a formal event if I’m the best-looking person there?

• What’s the kindest way to apologize for getting St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse on someone’s late grandmother’s quilt?

• Do I really have to read my closest friend’s personal essay collection?

I can only hope to be a voice to answer these questions and more.

To submit your own quandaries, you can dm me at @glamdemon2004 on Instagram or Twitter. I’m not yet sure how you can write to me on here, but feel free to do it however you’d like before I figure out how to filter my notifications.

Talk very soon!!